Magic Hugs

CUDDLES are your new game, and I love them. From you, they are the best magic trick I have ever known. Magic, because they have an unparalleled power to fill me with joy and make me the happiest girl in the world. Magic, because they come from nowhere, suddenly and without warning. Magic, because they make this life infinitely better. Magic, because they are from you to me and all mine.

You part with them mostly when you wake up and when you are tired. There’s the kind where your arms get thrown around my neck – often after smiling or crying. And there’s the kind where you bury your head into me – often after crawling up to me to have a little rest.

I already know that one day, when you feel too big to cuddle mama so often, I will miss these hugs.

I will miss too, you falling asleep in my arms each night. I will miss watching your eyes get heavy and your arms fall limp as you turn down the energy which has seen you through the day. I will miss tucking you into your cot, and watching as you turn onto your side and pull your comforter towards your face. I will miss you calling out in the night, and then staying with you until you stop crying. While all the world sleeps and it is night, I will miss holding you quietly to me. I will miss picking you up when you wake up, and trying to contain you as your excitement at being awake sees you desperate to get down and play.

Already, at nine months, I miss the things you have grown out of. I miss feeding you. I barely remember how light you were, or how we held you so you wouldn’t break. I’m not sure if I remember your squeak, that little sound you made instead of crying, and which led to your nickname. I miss how you only took up half of your bassinet, which I would wheel into the lounge so you could sleep while I did the hoovering. I miss how you calmed down when Tony danced with you around the lounge during those crying evenings. I miss how you fitted just in the crook of his arm.

All these things, they pass too quick. So while you, my Little Mister, are in such a rush to play with the next toy and crawl to the next adventure, I will try to keep you in my arms a few seconds more. And later, when you wake, while all the world sleeps and it is night, I will hold you quietly to me a little longer.

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